I Heart My Body

Hi Minions! I’m so sorry for not blogging these last few weeks I have been so busy with school work I when I’m not doing school work I have been relaxing and writing some songs.

Anyway my sister told me about this campaign about body image that I thought was really cool and got me all inspired to blog again. I have been looking at this blog that are running the campaign and I have found it really inspiring. It is the ‘weheartlife’ blog. They write about all sorts of great stiff about body image and staying healthy.

I didn’t have a photo to use already I have been pretty camera shy this year and haven’t got many snaps of myself that I love. So I had to take one on the weekend. This is my image…

 

I love my body now. I love my hands, my fingers are pretty gross from playing my guitar but it gives them character. I love my hair I can change it all the time. I love eyes they are a weird green colour. I love my smile I missed seeing it in photos while I was so sick. I love my tummy it is flat but is still jelly like. And this is my story…

Hi I’m Alice just a pretty out there teenager who loves everything beautiful. This wasn’t the case this time last year however because I was going into a pretty dark place at this time. I used to think I was really fat I and didn’t like anything about myself. I started dieting and losing a lot of weight really fast. This I thought was a really good thing. Little did I know I was slowly being taken hold of by a demon called Anorexia.

My journey to recovery started six days before Christmas of 2011. I was down 19.5 kilos from when I started at 67. I was really unhappy still. I would cry to my mum and say ‘But I’m so fat, I’m ugly and I will never be thin’ this was the last straw mum took me to the doctor that morning at the hospital. This is where I stayed for the next four weeks. I will never forget the first night in there my heart was beating at less than 30 beats per minute when I was sleeping and the heart monitor was going crazy. I constantly had nurses checking on me to make sure I was ‘ok’. I spent most of the night crying to my mum and being so angry ‘why did this happen to me’ I said. Now I know there was no reason and there was no one to blame, sometimes these bad things just happen. I can honestly say this was the worst night of my life. I know my life can’t be too bad now I appreciate everything I have after a near death experience it would happen to anyone.

The next part of my journey involved my journey involved food in other words my worst nightmare. I couldn’t eat yet I couldn’t see that there was something wrong with that I thought that the only way I would be thin was if I didn’t eat and did a lot of exercise. When I was actually dying doing that. The first days I didn’t eat I couldn’t I was so lost and I was confused and angry.

Once I was out of hospital I had used up most of my summer holidays including Christmas day. I had only two precious weeks to spend at the beach. But this wasn’t the end not by a long shot.  We had to travel back home every few days to go to the hospital so I could get weighed. This went on for about another month I couldn’t maintain the weight I had in hospital. I still got angry and refused to eat. I could see this was having a huge effect on my family I felt so guilty and I still don’t know how I’m going to thank them for all the support they gave me. Yet, I was still very sick so it was another trip into hospital for me. This was especially bad because I missed all of first term from school. A whole summer and first term away from my friends because I couldn’t face them I was so ashamed that this happened to me. There was still a lot of rebuilding to do and a lot of time and effort to be put into my life by so many people to help me get better.

So the second time I got out of hospital I was much better. I had worked so much harder I knew that it was up to me to get better I had to be the one to try I had to kick Anorexia up the back side and say ‘No I have had enough of your games! I want to get better and go back to school and see my friends and go to that awesome music festival to see my idols The Amity Affliction. I DON’T NEED YOU!’… That is exactly what I tried to do. One day I had had enough and I realized I didn’t need it I ignored those voices saying ‘You need me to be thin. You need me to be pretty. Food will make you fat.’ In the end I succeed it wasn’t quite as easy as saying ‘go away’ but eventually Anorexia has been dislodged from my side and is now only a whisper in the back of my mind that comes out when I let down my guard. And soon it will be gone and I will never hear it again.

There is no way I would have done this though without some very important people. First my family, they were all so supportive and I will love them forever. My Mum stayed with me the first night I was in hospital she stayed right by my side all night and told me everything would be ok. My Dad was constantly called me through the day while he was at work telling me how strong I was and I CAN beat this. My sister would spend hours a day listening to my every problem and cheering me up when I was down. My little brother would never say much when he came to visit but always bring me little thing to make me happy and he would give me hugs when I needed them the most. Second is the ‘team’ at the hospital all they were the ones that kept me alive. Next, are my amazing friends who have been there for me even after such a long time apart. And last of all every band I listened to while I was in hospital your lyrics gave me hope and filled me with love at even the lowest points in my life. Thank you everyone!

Now I really do love my body more and more each day I am so much better I can feel it the more I love myself the more I can love everyone else. I love to make people happy I love to see them smile and it’s all because I beat anorexia and I will cherish my life from now until forever.

There were so many time I wished I never went to the hospital that day. Now I can’t be more grateful that I stayed because that place saved my life.  

I will remember these lyrics forever they are from The Amity afflictions new album “I’m not searching the sky for a reason to live because I found beauty right here and a passion to give”.

 Bye Minions!

Ali-rose